


You're Wasting Your Time

by Elle_Monson



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Biting, Choking, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, The Aubrey Posen Character Study, angsty smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle_Monson/pseuds/Elle_Monson
Summary: Aubrey doesn't know what to make of her feelings about Chloe and can't explain why she hates the new girl in the Bellas.You're wasting your time if you're hoping for a happy ending for Aubrey.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Aubrey Posen, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 29
Kudos: 68





	1. Anybody wanna buy a Heart?

There’s a chair in Aubrey and Chloe’s apartment.

There’s a chair in Aubrey and Chloe’s apartment and it’s sort of reserved for something.

It’s reserved for Chloe straddling Aubrey while Aubrey’s hands run hungrily over her body, Chloe nipping and tugging at Aubrey’s bottom lip with her teeth, Aubrey greedily pulling and yanking at Chloe’s shirt. Up and over her body it goes, and Aubrey will run her thumbs over Chloe’s nipples and Chloe will shudder and make the most obscene sounds into Aubrey’s neck.

There’s a chair in Aubrey and Chloe’s apartment and it used to just be a normal chair.

It all starts when Chloe comes home from class late one night in the rain and Aubrey’s already had a couple glasses of wine with dinner and is feeling a little more relaxed than normal.

It all starts when Chloe enters the apartment dripping from the downpour and Aubrey can’t help but notice how Chloe’s wet clothes cling to her firm body.

“It’s crazy out there! I’m totally soaked!” Chloe says.

Aubrey’s lounging on the couch with some unimportant news cast blaring on the tv and the room is dark.

“Chloe please don’t drip water on the carpet,” Aubrey chirps.

“Oh relax it’s not a big deal.”

“Chloe please I’m serious!”

Chloe walks across the room with a mischievous look on her face. “You need to lighten up babe!” she pronounces. Then she throws her wet body on to Aubrey while giggling.

Aubrey squirms under her protesting but then stops as Chloe slows down and breathes out a little, “Oh…”

Aubrey looks up into Chloe’s eyes and almost gets lost in them then Chloe gives her a soft kiss. Aubrey’s never been more confused. 

She’s not gay. Chloe’s her best friend not her lover. 

She’s definitely _not gay._

So why on earth, when Chloe breaks off the kiss looking a little sheepish (possibly for the first time in her life), is Aubrey reaching her head up, nearly craning her neck to reconnect their lips?

Chloe’s tongue brushes against Aubrey’s lip and Aubrey feels a surge of arousal as she lets a more primitive part of her brain take over, pushing Chloe up and flipping their bodies over so she’s on top of her. She rushes down to kiss Chloe again, deeper this time, with an open mouth and pushes her leg in between Chloe’s thighs as hard as she can. 

Chloe whimpers into her mouth and pushes a hand up Aubrey’s shirt, but the wet touch of her hand shocks Aubrey and she stands up suddenly. 

_What the hell are we doing!? We can’t do this! It’ll ruin everything!_ Aubrey thinks in a blind panic stumbling back away from the couch.

Chloe stands up with caution and says, “Aubs?”

Her eyes are shiny and something about the slightly hurt look on her face cracks Aubrey’s chest open. She wrings her hands, her head feeling heavy from the wine. Aubrey's stomach swirls around as she tries to get a grip of herself.

“I don’t know, Chloe, I don’t know,” she says as she cuts her eyes to the side, unable to meet Chloe’s earnest look. 

Chloe gets her face so close to Aubrey’s that even her whisper sounds loud as she says, “Nobody has to know…if you want this, I want this.”

Aubrey’s knees get weak and her resolve gets weaker. _Nobody has to know._ She thinks fleetingly and she sets her hands on Chloe’s hips and Chloe pushes her backwards so she trips over her own feet and falls to the oversized cushy armchair caddy corner to their couch.

Chloe’s on her in an instant. It’s almost too much for Aubrey to deal with and she gasps for a breath before her mouth is swallowed by Chloe in a deep kiss.

From there on out Aubrey can’t look at that damn chair without blushing.

**

Not everything happens in the chair though.

The first time Chloe goes down on Aubrey they’re lying on the floor next to it. Chloe is kissing and licking Aubrey’s sensitive midriff and Aubrey wants to beg her to stop teasing but she’s scared.

She’s terrified of losing control. She’s terrified of what it will mean if she shows that vulnerable side of herself to Chloe. Sure, she’s gotten Chloe off with her fingers three or four times and to be honest it’s pretty fucking hot.

Chloe seems to be hyper orgasmic though and unravels after just a few moments of petting and whispering weak gratitudes into Aubrey’s ear, spurring her on.

But it’s just not that easy for Aubrey to let her guard down.

It doesn’t matter because she’s getting desperate as Chloe runs her fingers over her sensible underwear and whispers compliments below the belt.

“Chloe please,” is all she has to say, and Chloe pulls her panties to the side immediately and roughly, then runs her tongue slowly up the length of her throbbing sex. Aubrey bites at her own knuckles to stop from moaning. 

Chloe pulls her tongue back into her mouth and very obviously swallows making Aubrey shudder.

Chloe’s mouth feels hot and it makes the room feel cold as Aubrey lets a long breath out, trying to will herself to relax. Chloe hums in between her legs and Aubrey’s breath gets caught up in a hitch again. She almost feels nauseated.

Chloe patiently works her over with her tongue reaching up with a hand to grab one of Aubrey’s almost as if to say _just relax I’m here, it’s ok, you can trust me I promise._

Aubrey swears she can hear fireworks in the background as she pathetically gives herself over to Chloe finally letting a long and low moan out.

She’s a complete bitch for her if she’s being honest.

**

Chloe can be a little ridiculous.

They’re hosting a movie night for the Bellas and of all people _Alice_ sits in the chair. Aubrey is certain she’s blushing wildly when Alice plops down and dictates what they’ll be watching that night (some awful horror movie) but nobody comments on it.

Chloe is pressed against her and covers them with a blanket saying she’s chilly. Aubrey starts to get absorbed in the plot of the movie because surprisingly Alice has pretty good taste when she’s startled by Chloe’s cool hand brushing, and then rubbing up against her leg.

Half of Aubrey wants to shake her head violently at Chloe but the other half, the more insistent half just makes her hold her breath and let Chloe have her way with her because it feels so good.

Chloe slips her hand up Aubrey’s shorts and without warning pushes a finger inside Aubrey all while staring straight ahead at the movie looking _very_ interested in whatever’s happening on the screen except for the small smile she has on her face. 

Aubrey’s barely wet but something about the friction feels good anyway. Aubrey’s always been ok with a little pain in the bedroom. Something about it makes her feel alert and grounded.

Aubrey can’t believe how innocent Chloe looks in the glow of the tv as she greedily pulses her finger in and out of Aubrey, somehow managing to barely move her arm. Aubrey has to squeeze her eyes shut. She wants to put the blanket in her mouth and scream but instead she leans back into the sofa trying to keep her face calm.

**

Aubrey’s _not_ gay. 

It’s normal to think about your best friend all the time, right?

It’s totally normal to think about your best friend, sitting naked in a chair in your living room, while you’re on your knees in front of her.

It’s totally fucking normal to fantasize about your best friend pulling your hair sharply as you go down on her, swallowing every drop, because something about her tastes so sweet.

**

It’s normal to be jealous when your best friend starts to obsess over the new girl in your a cappella group, right?

**

Right?

**

_Nobody has to know._


	2. It's the Wrong Time for Somebody New

“-and I don’t understand why you like that Beca girl so much,” Aubrey gripes to Chloe. They’re hanging out on the sofa after a long day of auditions. 

Aubrey has let herself be pulled over, lying on her side on the couch, with her head in Chloe’s lap. Chloe’s running her fingers absentmindedly through Aubrey’s hair and it almost relaxes Aubrey. Almost.

_Do you like her better than me?_ Is what Aubrey has to force herself not to say.

Because when Chloe had uttered the words ‘Oh what about her?’ to Aubrey the other day outside the Student Center at the Activities Fair, Aubrey had felt her lip curl uncontrollably and couldn’t make sense of the way her stomach had swished uncomfortably.

She had scrambled trying to come up a reason, any reason, to not invite this girl to try out and her chest had unclenched when the girl claimed not to sing.

But then a few days later, Chloe had come back from hanging out with Tom, grinning and giggling about running into this girl in Tom’s dorm showers. Chloe had bragged to Aubrey about practically forcing the rude girl from the fair to audition and it made Aubrey see red for a couple of different reasons.

She always had to grit her teeth when Chloe talked about her on again, off again fling with Tom.

He didn’t deserve her.

Aubrey didn’t deserve her either, but Tom deserved her even less. He was creepy, scummy, just everything wrong with men. He had no self-respect and would show up at their apartment at four in the morning drunk off his ass hollering for Chloe.

Chloe would invite him in, make him tea, and let him sleep in her bed and Aubrey could barely stand to stay in the apartment those nights.

Aubrey didn’t have time for dating; Didn’t have time for love. Not if she was going to graduate with a 4.0 and _at least_ four job offers.

The business school at Barden was one of the best in the nation but Aubrey’s father wasn’t impressed, angry that she hadn’t taken the track scholarship at the state school that offered her.

Aubrey would never tell her dad, but he had beaten the love of competitive running out of her by the eighth grade by screaming at her as she ran time trials in the newly developed suburban neighborhood where their home was. He was constantly insisting she could improve her time by running until she threw up. 

She developed performance anxiety, and a near dependence on Zofran, a prescription nausea medication, as General Posen demanded that she run faster and faster on those flat streets surrounded by cookie cutter houses and brown grass.

Then he was deployed again during her freshman year of high school, but while he was gone her mom fell apart. She started drinking again. She would only drink occasionally but when she did, she would absolutely binge. Aubrey would be stuck dragging her home after embarrassing church potlucks and school talent expos.

Aubrey kept up her running through just to have an excuse to speak with her father. Maybe if she ran well enough, he would come home. Maybe that would make her mother feel better.

But by the time college came around she was absolutely done with it, at least as a sport. She didn’t know how to deal with the competitive vacuum left in her life, however, and she started singing with the Bellas at first just to have an outlet. But like so many things in her life she couldn’t help when her participation with the Bellas was taken over by her obsession with perfection.

Aubrey is snapped out of her trip down memory lane by Chloe’s soft hand reaching down and rubbing the small of her back. Aubrey has a knot that never goes away and Chloe finds it and gently kneads it.

When Aubrey’s ranting like this Chloe knows better than to interrupt her or reason with her. Aubrey will debate a point and Chloe knows that forcing Aubrey to defend her position will just solidify Aubrey’s beliefs, no matter how outlandish her opinion is.

Aubrey didn’t entirely understand what about Beca rubbed her the wrong way, but she knew it had something to do with how taken Chloe seemed to be with her.

Eventually Aubrey stops fighting the soothing feeling from Chloe’s touch and lets herself slump completely into her best friend’s lap.

“Do you feel better now?” Chloe asks in a gentle voice.

“Yes,” Aubrey concedes.

It’s getting late and Aubrey uses all of her strength to fight off asking Chloe if she can sleep in her bed.

Instead she gets up and stretches, saying, “It’s late. I’m going to bed.”

“So, we’re agreed on who we’ll take?”

“I guess so.”

“Even Beca?” Chloe asks brightly. The thought of sharing Chloe’s loveable, scattered free spirit with someone as unpleasant as Beca is unbearable but Beca’s voice was the best of anyone who tried out and Aubrey can’t think of any reasonable excuse _not_ to take her.

“I guess,” Aubrey says lamely.

She has trouble getting to sleep that night.

**

Aubrey’s hated the Treble Makers for a long time, but she can’t bring herself to admit the real reason.

There was an unfortunate moment her freshman year at Barden, where a Treble dared her and Chloe to make out at a party. The guys around them shouted gleefully and egged them on when a tipsy Chloe grabbed Aubrey’s face and pulled her in.

Afterwards Aubrey had giggled and tried to pretend it hadn’t happened, but she was fuming and humiliated.

If she thought about the incident longer, she’d realize that she was more upset that her first kiss with Chloe was just a performance for the male gaze and not an expression of her genuine affection for Chloe, but Aubrey doesn’t like to think about that night.

Her hatred is finally completely solidified when the boys tease her relentlessly after the episode at the ICCA’s her junior year. 

By the time Aubrey takes over as the captain of the Bellas she uses her newfound power to forbid all of the girls from fraternizing with any of those douche canoes. Aubrey is so serious about protecting the other Bellas from those grubby trolls, that she puts it into the Initiation Pledge even though everyone obviously thinks she’s lost her mind.

It doesn’t matter though, it’s the principal of the thing.

At the Hood Night party Aubrey watches closely as a new Treble hits on Beca. She starts to feel a little bit torn about not allowing the girls to date any of the Treble Makers. 

When Fat Amy starts jabbering about lesbians Aubrey delivers an Oscar worthy performance acting as if she’s a casual normal girl. Cynthia-Rose may be a lesbian, and that’s _fine_ , but Aubrey’s straight. And it doesn’t even matter because Aubrey doesn’t have time for love.

Aubrey chokes on her drink when she sees Chloe and Tom making out. Why does she bring him everywhere? Aubrey’s seen enough. She leaves the party in a seething huff and follows some of the girls who were flirting with Trebles to get her mind off of Chloe.

**

When Aubrey walks back to the apartment a few hours later, she’s surprised to see Chloe sitting outside their home, staring at the sky.

“Chloe? What are you going out here?”

“Nothing. Just looking at the stars.”

“Is there a reason you’re outside?”

“Oh, I lost my keys,” Chloe says with a laugh as she flips her hair over her shoulder.

“Come on, it’s late. Let’s get you inside.”

Chloe gets up and wraps her arm around Aubrey’s waist as Aubrey unlocks their door. Her pupils look big when she turns to look at Aubrey after they walk inside. The expression on her face makes Aubrey’s stomach flutter.

Chloe pulls her in for a ravenous kiss and Aubrey moves towards the couch without separating them, but Chloe pulls away and says, “My room.” in a low voice. She pulls Aubrey through the apartment by the hand.

Once they’ve fallen onto Chloe’s bed, Chloe crawls on top of Aubrey and then takes Aubrey by surprise by pinning her hands above her head.

She starts to kiss Aubrey’s neck but soon she’s biting down. Hard.

The pain runs up the back of Aubrey’s spine and skitters around the base of her skull. Anxieties about her father's apathy, the Bellas, grades, and her mother’s health all float away until the only thing present is thoughts of Chloe, Chloe, Chloe.

Chloe moans quietly into Aubrey's neck and bites harder. Aubrey’s eyes flicker and roll into the back of her head as she surrenders herself to the demanding sensation. Chloe always knows how to claim one hundred percent of her attention. Once Chloe releases Aubrey's hands in favor of running her hands through Aubrey's hair, Aubrey wraps her arms around Chloe and digs her nails into her back.

After a few moments Chloe lets up and giggles. 

“Sorry, got carried away,” she says lightly. 

Then she nuzzles the bite mark with her nose before kissing it softly.

Aubrey’s never been gladder that wearing a tied scarf around her neck is part of her signature look because there’s no doubt that Chloe’s left a bruise that’ll last for days if not a week or two.

Aubrey doesn’t have a long time to ruminate on what she’ll be wearing in the coming days because at the present moment Chloe seems insistent that neither of them be wearing anything.

After she strips them both naked Chloe puts one of Aubrey’s nipples into her mouth and rolls her tongue over it deliciously. She looks up at Aubrey at the same time, the angle making her eyes look dangerous.

**

The next morning Aubrey carefully detangles herself from Chloe’s arms after spending a long few moments listening to Chloe sleep. Then she goes to Home Depot.

When she gets home, she gets her drill kit out and replaces their locks while Chloe makes them breakfast. 

Chloe makes her feel warm by saying, “thanks babe!” when Aubrey hands her the new key. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone feel about Chloe's vampire kink?
> 
> No matter what I write, ppl always getting laid on initiation night.


	3. When I'm Fucked Up, That's the Real Me

Rehearsal goes terribly the next day and Aubrey is annoyed by the chit chat between Chloe and Beca. Chloe keeps shivering, saying she’s cold and Beca gives her the flannel she’s wearing over her t-shirt and it’s really distracting.

Aubrey knows she’s being a little bullyish by assigning them extra cardio but it’s for their own good. She notices Fat Amy hiding in the bathroom but doesn’t mention it to anyone else. 

Aubrey can’t put her finger on what about Fat Amy she actually likes, just that she does like her. 

Maybe it’s that she’s funny, or bossy (sometimes everyone ignores Aubrey but Chloe, until Fat Amy shouts whatever Aubrey’s just said and then everyone jumps into action). 

Maybe it’s that when Fat Amy is showboating people pay more attention to her and don’t peer and frown at Aubrey. They’re too busy gaping at Fat Amy.

Chloe laughs broadly at something Beca’s said when she hands her shirt back to her and Aubrey watches closely with her hands on her hips.

Aubrey’s gotten a bit more used to Beca’s sardonic presence and is very aware of her otherworldly voice but it’s still bitter to watch her and Chloe pal around. 

Chloe is _her_ best friend, after all.

**

The Bellas are having a social event. There’s one every few weeks. They’ve settled on going to see Skyfall in theaters. Beca isn’t there for once, having begged off due to work.

Aubrey should be a little more relaxed given the absence of Beca’s acidic attitude but not long into the first action sequence of the movie she quietly implodes.

The movie is too loud, and the screen is far too busy. The editing is haphazard and the images of violence on the screen are sending Aubrey’s anxiety over the event horizon.

She snaps to her feet suddenly, feeling hot and like she’s going to be sick. The room is spinning and is a suffocating shade of dark as she rushes out and sinks into the wall across the theater entrance.

The hallway is deserted until Chloe comes out after Aubrey, softly grabbing her hands and leading her further away from the muffled sounds of brutality as Aubrey’s breathing gets louder.

Chloe leads her to a quiet corner of the hallway and pins Aubrey gently against the wall, humming hush noises and letting the pressure of her body rest against Aubrey, her hands on either side of her corralling her in.

Aubrey’s final able to breathe as she feels Chloe’s chest rising and falling against her. She tries to match her breaths to Chloe’s. Now the sweat on her brow feels cool in the enthusiastic air conditioning of the theater.

“Did the noises get to you?” Chloe asks with concern painted across her face.

Aubrey nods, tries to speak and then shakes her head trying to express she can’t talk yet.

Chloe nestles her head into the crook of her neck and holds her.

“I know, it’s ok. It’s gonna be ok.”

**

Looking back on it, maybe a cappella was a bad idea, because Aubrey’s very first panic attack came when she was in her first-grade class’s production of Where the Wild Things Are.

She was cast as the boat and all she had to do was carry a piece of painted cardboard across the stage. But for some reason she couldn’t bear to go out on stage with the bright lights searing down and everyone in the school auditorium smiling too wide, laughing too loud.

Afterwards her mom had held her in her lap in the car while her dad scoffed and asked if something was wrong with her.

“She hasn’t been the same since this summer,” he complained.

Her mother had tsked him to make him shut up.

Against all odds Aubrey had finally conquered her stage fright. Sure, she almost blacked out after her first performance with the Bellas, but she clung to consciousness and Chloe after the curtains dropped. Chloe was always there for her.

**

Chloe was certainly there for her on this particular night.

Aubrey had made them an eclectic dinner with all the odds and ends of the last of their groceries that were cluttering up the fridge.

“It’s Asian-Italian-Mexican fusion,” Aubrey laughed, gesturing to the messy plates of homemade fried rice, noodles, and an unidentifiable pile of something on tortillas.

They had also finished off a quasi-old six pack of beer together and gotten a little buzzed.

Buzzed enough that Aubrey doesn’t have a problem asking for what she wants tonight.

Lying in Chloe’s bed, Aubrey pulls Chloe’s hand from between her thighs, replacing it with her own. She steals a lick off of Chloe’s fingers and it makes Chloe tremble and breathe loudly. Then Aubrey pushes Chloe’s hand to her throat, wrapping her fingers around it.

Chloe applies pressure as Aubrey starts to use her fingers on herself. Aubrey exhales hard out of her nose and then says, “Harder,” in a constricted voice.

Chloe squeezes harder at Aubrey’s request, but Aubrey gives her head a half shake and again insists, “Harder.”

“Aubrey…” Chloe starts, but Aubrey just gives her a pleading look and Chloe tightens her grip around Aubrey’s throat once more almost entirely blocking her airway.

Aubrey surrenders fully to Chloe, finally relaxing. Because even if something bad does happen from Chloe choking her, at least now it won’t be Aubrey’s fault.

Right?

Aubrey works her fingers faster and would pant if she could. Instead she fails to exhale, and it feels like air is trapped in her head. She can sense the blood rushing to her face.

She sees tiny spots and Chloe leans down to brush her tongue against the outer edge of her ear and whispers, “Please, you can do it. You can come for me. Please come for me.”

Aubrey’s stomach bottoms out at Chloe’s soft demands, and she comes in a rush that’s noisy inside her head. A whine is bottled up in her chest as she slips off edge, into the abyss and she swears she sees a flash of bright light. 

Chloe lets go and runs her hands through Aubrey’s slightly damp hair, brushing it out of her face.

The fresh air is positively freezing as Aubrey takes long cool breaths in as her body returns to homeostasis.

“Do you want me to…” Aubrey gestures her head down and Chloe giggles.

“I already did,” she admits. “While I was watching you.”

They lay there for a while, tangled up in each other’s arms before Aubrey checks her phone and sees that it’s not too late.

“Chloe,” Aubrey asks. “Will you come to the grocery store with me? I’m going to be too tired to go tomorrow after morning rehearsal.

“Can’t you go alone?” Chloe says, but her voice isn’t irritated. She’s honestly just wondering.

“Not at night. Please? I’ll cook something…not gross for you tomorrow.”

Chloe smiles. “You better. Ok, of course, I’ll go with you.”

Later, when they’re in the warm light of the cereal aisle Chloe makes a worried face and points to Aubrey’s neck.

“I think there’s going to be a bruise there. Oops,” Chloe says in a half-hushed tone.

Aubrey shrugs. “I’ll wear something that covers it, or makeup.”

Chloe nods but still has a bothered look on her face.

“It doesn’t hurt does it?”

Aubrey shakes her head and doesn’t say what she’s thinking.

_Not in the way you think it does._


	4. Broken Bodies, Body Language

Aubrey should have known the performance at ATO was doomed from the moment she had to drag Stacie away from one of the fraternity brothers after she had exclaimed, “Hey Stud!” to one of them.

During the performance Aubrey tries to smile through the sound of the other girls’ shy voices and ignore the sloppy, off-beat choreography behind her but Howie certainly makes his displeasure known.

Aubrey can’t help but notice that Chloe’s timbre, which is usually rich and honey light, is rough and husky. She isn’t hitting or holding her higher notes. Aubrey tries to ignore her cold, hard irritation at Chloe’s laziness as they stalk out of the ATO house but seriously, if Chloe of all people has started loafing now there really is no hope left for this cursed group.

They’ve played this scene out before. Aubrey snaps at Chloe despite her best efforts not to and Chloe dismantles Aubrey’s vitriol in seconds with her announcement that she has vocal nodules.

Nodes are, at least not life threatening and if Aubrey weren’t in the habit of disavowing everything Beca says, when she asks, “Why would you keep performing?” Aubrey might agree that yeah…why is Chloe still singing? Because honestly even if she didn’t sing, she’d still be perfect, still be halcyon, still be beloved by all. She’d still be Chloe.

But Chloe protests and says she loves to sing. Of course, she loves to sing. Chloe _is_ a song. Who the hell is Aubrey to begrudge her that? Aubrey clasps Chloe’s hands because she has nothing productive to add to the conversation. Beca’s pity rains down on them softly and Aubrey can’t block out the broken voice in her head telling her she never gets anything right.

She regrets lashing out at Chloe but what’s done is done. You can’t change the past just because you regret it.

There’s a somber tone in the air as the girls disperse. Beca gives Chloe a hug and tells her she hopes she’ll feel better.

To Beca’s credit the idea of Chloe being sick or hurting or wounded is a downright perverse image. Chloe should be happy and humming and carefree; Dancing around with a white flower crown on her head. 

Suddenly Aubrey acutely longs for Chloe’s smile, Chloe’s laugh, Chloe’s touch, Chloe sprawled out in bed in the morning, immaculate in her own brand of chaos; Her tan body making the white sheets look whiter. Surely, surely Aubrey can find a way to comfort Chloe while taking shelter from the storm of her emotions at the same time.

And she does. Or she tries to. 

Aubrey’s never been able to put her feelings into words for Chloe, but Chloe has taught her a shorthand that she can speak with her body. A kiss on the forehead translates to, ‘I’m sorry.’ A hand squeeze means, ‘Don’t worry.’ A lingering hug around the waist, ‘I missed you.’ And Aubrey hasn’t worked out what all the sex means but if she had to bet on it she’d guess it meant, ‘You’re the only person in the world that I trust, or even want to be around, please don’t ever leave me, I’ll try to never let you down.’

And it’s that last sentiment that Aubrey wants to convey to Chloe in this moment.

Aubrey grabs Chloe’s hand, squeezes and gives her the tiniest tug towards campus. They can’t go home, even though it’s a Saturday, Aubrey has a study group for her finance class in an hour. Chloe follows Aubrey to the business building, as they walk, she tells Aubrey about her trip to the doctor the previous week that confirmed her nodes. 

The building in which the College of Business resides is one of the tallest on campus. It would be nice looking except there was some mix-up where most of the other buildings on campus got a nice uniform light red brick whereas the C.O.B. got a deep maroon brick, making it stick out.

The girls ride the elevator up to the top floor where there’s some empty classrooms that students make use of as a lounge sometimes. They might look silly in their Bellas uniforms but at least it’s business casual, fitting their surroundings.

The view is far reaching and there’s a few students pattering around down on the cement outside. Aubrey didn’t come up here to enjoy the view.

She pulls Chloe into her embrace, backing her up slowly until Chloe’s butt is almost resting on a desk at the front of the room. Aubrey takes care to nuzzle Chloe’s neck before sinking down to her knees and starting to roll Chloe’s tight skirt up her thighs.

Chloe says, “I... Aubrey, I don’t know if we should- someone might see us.”

Aubrey looks up at her almost ready to beg and says, “Please?” trying to convey a lot in that rudimentary word. Like she’s sorry for snapping at her, that she’s heartbroken that Chloe’s in distress, that she’d take Chloe’s pain and wear it herself if she could.

Chloe seems to get the message and she nods her consent as if to say, ‘Don’t stop.’

Aubrey drags Chloe’s red panties down her legs and discards them to the side. Chloe will forget them later while rushing to leave the room and in a hazy orgasmic glow.

Aubrey can’t eat her harsh words from earlier, but she can eat Chloe out like both their lives depend on it. She starts out slow, brushing the tip of her nose against Chloe’s exposed clit, eliciting a soft, high-pitched noise from Chloe that makes Aubrey’s mouth water.

Aubrey starts to lap at Chloe, forcing herself not to hurry, letting Chloe get used to it.

Chloe drops her fingertips on Aubrey’s scalp and it’s like quiet falling snow as she runs her fingers lightly over Aubrey’s head. Soon her grip tightens, and her breath picks up pace.

Aubrey is consumed with the taste, the smell, the feeling of Chloe when she’s aroused. She takes care to raze her teeth over the inside Chloe’s thighs, to lick at her sensitive hipbones, and to flatten her tongue as she runs it broadly up and then down trying to push it inside of Chloe.

Chloe adjusts her hips and fidgets when Aubrey does this, but she can’t seem to settle. She makes a little frustrated whine and pushes her body off the desk whipping Aubrey around with a pull so that Aubrey’s back is against the desk and Chloe is standing in front of her.

Chloe takes charge fully now, clutching carelessly at Aubrey’s head and pulling her face up in between her legs forcefully. She quickly rides her tongue to orgasm.

Chloe then pulls Aubrey up, shimmying her own skirt back down then pushing Aubrey’s up. 

Aubrey can’t help but revel in the view of Chloe with the midday sun behind her. The light streams through windows and bounces off of Chloe’s hair. Aubrey is reminded fleetingly of the brightly colored stained-glass windows that are in her church back home.

Chloe pushes Aubrey back to sit on the desk, stands between her legs and pushes her fingers inside of her. She wraps an arm around Aubrey’s waist and bunches up the fabric of her cardigan, no doubt leaving wrinkles. Aubrey puts her arms around Chloe’s neck and holds on tight.

Something about feeling Chloe inside her is paradoxical because as Chloe pushes deeper inside, adding fingers, filling her up, it still feels like Chloe is enveloping her. How can a few fingers inside of you make you feel like someone is everywhere around outside of you at once?

But Aubrey can’t calm anyway. She keeps spying students through the windows that are far away creeping around, down outside of the building. Chloe is giving her all her attention and her best effort, but the room is too bright and there’s too many people in Aubrey's sightline.

After a while Aubrey pulls away and puts her hand gently on Chloe’s arm. She gives her head a quick shake and says, “It’s not going to happen I’m sorry.” She can’t stop thinking about the people outside, the memory of those stained-glass windows, how long Beca and Chloe had held lingered in the hug that they shared earlier today.

Chloe gives her a wide-eyed look and says, “Don’t be _sorry_ , Aubs. It’s fine. I mean I’m fine if you’re fine,” as she pulls Aubrey’s skirt down for her. 

She gives Aubrey a little wink and says, “I’ll get you back later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up high off my own feels when I wrote this not gonna lie


	5. Drizzle Tease

They never have sex in Aubrey’s bed. Aubrey makes sure of it. They may watch a movie on Aubrey’s laptop or Aubrey may quiz Chloe to help her study for a test, but she won’t ever allow sex to happen there.

Aubrey knows that if they have sex in the living room or in Chloe’s bed then she can leave after. She’s always too emotionally raw to actually want to sleep with Chloe. She wants to sleep with her, she just doesn’t want to _fall_ asleep with her afterwards. Waking up to Chloe’s chaotic energy without a half hour to prepare herself to endure it without cracking wide open would just be too to ask of Aubrey.

**

One night, Aubrey sneaks into Chloe’s room after Chloe’s already fallen asleep.

“Chloe? Chloe are you awake?” Aubrey asks, even though she already knows the answer.

“Hmm?” Chloe answers, sleep dripping off her voice.

“Oh sorry, I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“No what’s up Aubs?”

“Just lonely.”

“Aw come here.”

Aubrey gets on Chloe’s bed gingerly only for Chloe to pull her into a close embrace.

Very suddenly Aubrey is climbing on top of Chloe, pinning her shoulders down, kissing her impatiently until she accidently cracks the back of Chloe’s head into her wooden headboard.

“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry!” Aubrey says as she flips off of Chloe, clutching her face in her hands.

“Ouch! Oh hey, it’s ok. It was an accident.”

Aubrey shakes her head keeping her hands covering her face. “Sorry,” she says again.

“Hey,” Chloe says as she tries to pull Aubrey’s hands down, succeeding after a few tugs. Chloe leans her forehead down, gently bumping it against Aubrey’s while squeezing her hands.

“See? I’m fine.”

Chloe sits up and takes her shirt off and Aubrey’s blood starts to rush around her body as her pulse quickens. Chloe then pulls Aubrey’s Barden hoodie off as well as her pajama bottoms, leaving her in underwear alone.

“You’re so pretty,” Chloe says as she slithers down Aubrey’s torso, coming to a stop with her head between her legs. She starts to tongue Aubrey through her underwear and sirens start blaring in Aubrey’s head.

After a few minutes of teasing Aubrey says, “Chloe can you just…you can just…”

But Chloe’s in a mood and the tantalizing movements of her mouth continue.

They’re interrupting by Chloe getting a call on her cell phone that’s on the bed stand beside them.

“You can just ignore it,” Chloe says, looking up at Aubrey while brushing her hair out of her face. But it rings again, and then again and on the third call Aubrey grabs it and shoves it down to Chloe.

“Oh, it’s Tom,” Chloe says as she slides her thumb across the phone screen to pick up the call. Aubrey rolls her eyes. _Great that walking virus._

“Hey Tom…No I don’t know it’s pretty late…ok _fine._ ” Chloe hangs up the phone and says, “Tom’s coming over.”

“That’s fine,” Aubrey says, her voice higher pitched than she means it to be.

Tom comes over and Chloe hangs out with him in the living room. Aubrey goes back to bed but can hear them laughing and watching a sitcom. When she gets up to get a little glass of wine, just to calm her nerves, Tom is asleep on the couch with his head on one of Chloe’s pillows and a blanket tucked neatly under his chin.

Aubrey wakes up the next day to see an empty couch and Chloe’s closed bedroom door. She isn’t sure what’s going on, but she goes for a long run just in case.

**

Fall hangs around longer than it reasonably should but that’s Atlanta for you.

Winter drags around finally, and Aubrey doesn’t _want_ to go home for Christmas break, but she can’t think of an excuse not to. Everyone else is going home. Chloe seems practically cheerful which Aubrey can’t relate to at all. 

Chloe still insists that before they leave, they go to a Christmas tree farm and get a small live tree to decorate the corner of their living room. Aubrey sits in the chair and watches Chloe hum Carol of the Bells while she adorns the tree with twinkling lights and ornaments.

Aubrey drives Chloe to the airport before driving the ten miserable hours up to McLean, Virginia. Chloe gives her a kiss on the forehead before rushing off to catch her flight. 

Aubrey is greeted by dusk and damp pavement when she gets to her parent’s house. Her father is deployed so the house is dark, and her mother has only set out a small plastic tree.

She keeps to herself during the holiday, only leaving her room for dinners that her mom drinks more and more at, breaking out the eggnog earlier and earlier in the meal ‘just as a treat.’

On Christmas Eve Aubrey’s mother insists that they go to the midnight service at the First Baptist Church. Aubrey hates the prefab look of the church and the mic’d acoustic guitars. She spends most of the service staring up at the stained-glass windows above the pulpit. They’re the only authentic thing about the church.

The next day Aubrey receives an old vintage set of pearls from her mom for Christmas. 

“Your father gave them to me but,” she starts to cry, already having been drinking that morning, “he doesn’t love me anymore.” Aubrey’s mother starts sobbing in the middle of their living room and Aubrey’s stomach churns with guilt and misery.

It’s not a very merry Christmas.

A few days later Aubrey receives a Facebook invite to meet up with some students from her high school for New Years. The get-together is at a restaurant and Aubrey, fed up with her mother’s antics, decides to go.

However, when Aubrey pulls up into the parking lot, she sees her ex-boyfriend from high school, Dustin walking into the restaurant. They didn’t part on good terms and Aubrey spends a few minutes gritting her teeth before pulling her seatbelt back on and cranking the ignition to her car. She pulls out of the parking lot to head back home thinking about how all her real friends are in Atlanta, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally love Aubrey so much.
> 
> McLean, VA is one of the richest towns in the US and like...it's so Aubrey. Super white and suberb-y. Love those little film details.


	6. the Damsel, for she did not Cry Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THIS CHAPTER

The rest of winter flies by as do many weeks of spring in a list of boring but important events. Aubrey goes to the career fair. Aubrey gets a job offer. The Bellas are disqualified thanks to Beca being a prat. The Bellas miraculously get invited to the finals anyway on a technicality. 

Chloe disappears one Friday and texts Aubrey to say she’ll be gone until Monday night. Aubrey tries not to worry and throws herself into working out and rearranging the Bellas music.

Monday evening, after a particularly grueling workout and a long hot shower, Aubrey stares at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t know if she’s so ugly because her jaw is so weak or if it’s because her front two teeth are too big, but she knows it’s for one of those reasons. She sighs and towels off her hair and then puts on her pajamas. 

Aubrey heads into the living room and is caught off guard by Chloe grinning at her sitting at their dinner table with chicken and side dishes in front of her. There are two tall candles lit in the center of the table that must be new because up until now they’ve only had short scenting candles for the apartment.

“Hey…” Chloe says as if she’s uncertain about something as she stands up and walks over to wear Aubrey is standing. She has a nervous smile on her face.

“What is all of this?” Aubrey says.

“I thought maybe…well, Aubrey, we’ve been hooking up for years and I just thought maybe we could make it official.”

“Official…”

“Yeah! This is me asking you out, officially.” Chloe beams at Aubrey and Aubrey feels her lip curl.

“You really think – you _really_ think I want people to know about all the _disgusting_ things we do?” Aubrey says angrily.

Fear flashes over Chloe’s face and her eyes turn cold.

“Disgusting? You like the stuff that we do. You _wanted_ it. You- “

Aubrey cuts Chloe off by slapping her across the face. She’s fuming, foaming at the mouth.

Chloe puts a hand up to her cheek and her mouth drops open. She looks positively shocked and heartbroken, but she doesn’t strike Aubrey back. She stomps off and Aubrey sinks into the chair in the living room.

Aubrey doesn’t notice all the noise of Chloe hustling and crashing around in her room. She’s lost in her memories. She flashes back to that fateful night in the school parking lot.

“Babe, don’t be a bitch,” Dustin whines as he pushes her down into the back seat of his car. “ _Please_ , just the tip.”

Dustin angles himself over her as she shakes her head, but he forces himself inside her anyway.

“Jesus fucking _Christ_ , you weren’t lying about being a virgin, were you?”

Aubrey is snapped back to the present as Chloe marches over to the front door.

“I texted Beca,” is all she spits out before opening the door and slamming it shut behind her.

Aubrey gets up, blows out the candles, and then walks upstairs to go to bed. As she lies in bed she stares up at the ceiling. She couldn’t date Chloe; she’s so used up and dirty she isn’t worthy of dating _anyone_ , let alone the best girl on Earth. Girls like her don’t deserve happy endings and certainly, Chloe deserves to be with someone who could actually make her happy. 

Aubrey dreams of Chloe laughing and smiling, cozy in Beca’s dorm room.

She sleeps for many hours. So many hours she isn’t sure what day it is when she wakes. It doesn’t matter that the Bellas’ final performance is today, Aubrey isn’t gong. She looks over to see that her phone has been blown up with many texts, mostly from Fat Amy. The most recently sent text is a video and Aubrey clicks on it warily.

“We won! We fucking won!” Aubrey hears Amy scream in her thick accent as the video spins sickeningly around the stage. Then a gasp rings out across the stage and ripples through the audience. The camera swings over to two figures and it’s then that Aubrey makes out Chloe pulling Beca in by the face for a deep and passionate kiss.

A tear snakes out of the corner of Aubrey’s eye and she throws the phone across the room.


End file.
